Nine Sugar High Nights
by XXthirst
Summary: A strange tale involving Melvin O'Conner and Beam Cola.


**Nine Sugar High Nights**

**All characters mentioned in this belong to Rockstar Games. **

**I do not make money off of this.**

**Rated T for a reason**

**I was originally going to write this for my short story collection " Rotton to the Core", but I later felt this was good enough( and long enough) as a stand-alone story.**

**-XX-THIRST**

Night 00 : 9:03:46 pm : Dear Journal of Melvin, I have decided to conduct an experiment. I am to going to see exactly how addictive Beam Cola is. I want to see how many nights I can stay awake by drinking five cans of Beam Cola a day, more than the average amount consumed by children and teenagers( the usual being around 1.5 ). Nine nights will be my maximum for health reasons of course. Ms. McRae refused to partake in this experiment, so I went with the next best solution. Thad and Cornelius will be my medical advisers should I run into any health problems. Ah, I feel like a great medical researcher. Studying the benefits and risks of drinking large amounts of Beam Cola. One day I'll look back on this and smile for this would be my first great step into the field of science.

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Night 01: 2:00:01 am : Five Beam Colas consumed between 6:37:05 pm and 6:40:23 pm .

I must say, it gave me a euphoric rush within twenty minutes, eighteen seconds and 2 milliseconds. Similar to the one I get when I finish a pop quiz long before the class bell rings. Or when I've leveled up by ten points on Grottos and Gremlins. Speaking of which, since I finished Ted, Yuri and Casey's homework within ten minutes(beating my old record of fifteen minutes and nine seconds), I was able to level up my Gremlin General Razodork by three points and conquer the land of Kranx. Truly this sugar high has been most beneficial.

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Night 02 : 3:04:51 am : Five Beam Colas consumed between 6:32:12 pm and 6:35:02 pm.

Finished Gord, Mandy, Damon, and Lefty's homework in ten minutes, eight seconds, and 8 milliseconds. I'm truly shocked how they could possibly not be able to do simple addition and subtraction. At least the first three can spell half-decently. I can't say the same for Lefty. I had to ask him what in God's name he wrote. Speaking of God, I overheard Beatrice say something about her mom thinking of sending her to a Catholic school. That would be a tremendous shame if she left. After all, us nerds would look even dorkier if we didn't have a girl in our group.

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Night 03 : 3:43:12 am : Five Beam Colas consumed between 6:23:12 pm and 6:30:45 pm.

I have passed the seventy two hour mark, yet I feel as though I've had my normal eight hours of sleep a night. Thad asked me if I felt tired in any way. I said no and that it was an amazing feeling. Actually, now that I think about ,amazing doesn't even begin to describe it. I feel exuberant, unbelievably exuberant, like I'm soaring above the clouds. Why today, I even managed to do Ted's homework at the same time I was inventing a new kind of cherry scented bug repellent in chemistry class. Truly Beam Cola's high sugar content has awaken the dormant parts of my brain.

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Night 04 : 4:26:32 am : Instead of consuming five Beam Colas within a ten minute time period, I've drunk six throughout the day. In this way, I won't experience that feeling that I'm about to crash just before I drink my next five sodas. And this cuts down on the bloating, allowing me time to digest. I believe it was my extra brain power that allowed me to overthrow Earnest's Gremlin King Foreyesa, seize his kingdom and take the Gremlin princess Glena this evening. He became enraged and told me to give them back. I yelled that I won fairly and he would just have to win everything back. Of course he sulked and left, probably to going to spend all night thinking of a strategy to beat me. I don't see the problem. I merely had more skill than him, which is quite ironic because he is after all the clique leader. But that is life. It isn't fair. Just like it isn't fair that the princess Glena isn't real. Sure, she has all those weird antennas on her head, but her face is more beautiful than anything I've ever seen.

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Night 05: 3:09:23 am: Seven Beam Colas consumed between 9:03:07 am and 7:27:08 pm.

I got into trouble today. I didn't mean to, but it just happened. I was in art class and Ms. Phillips presented a painting to the class.

" …and let's have someone interpret this. You, Melvin. Exactly how does this painting make you feel? ".

" It fills me with dread and disgust".

" Certainly modern art can be interpreted in many ways, but how can something with such bright colors make you feel that way? ".

" Modern art, modern art. Hardly. Any imbecile can dump blue and pink paint onto a canvas and call it art. I would love to meet the idiot who so called ' painted ' this trash. They're probably some penniless, basement dwelling moron who thinks he knows the ins and outs of art".

" If you must know Melvin, I painted this. I take your criticism with a grain of salt".

" You can take my criticism and your grain of salt and shove them both up your -!".

Of course I was taken…no, sorry…dragged to Crabblesnitch's office. He asked why I snapped at Ms. Phillips and I told him I was just tired, that I was sorry and wouldn't do it again. I was lying. I'm not sorry about what I said. I'm sorry that I said it out loud. And I wasn't tired then and I'm not tired now. Not in the least. I truly feel like a superhuman. I really think I can reach my goal of nine days.

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Night 06: 5:39:14 am: Eight Beam Colas consumed between 10:01:42 am and 4:45:07 pm.

At 8:56:49 pm Earnest, after numerous attempts of trying to retake his Gremlin kingdom from me, he became fed up. He asked me if maybe I could loan him some gold as a friend. Of course I wasn't going to give in to his whining. What does he think I am anyway? An idiot? I told him not in million years, he would just have train and raise himself to my level. I said that in fact, I could even overthrow him as leader of the nerds now that ,thanks to my Beam Cola experiment, my brain power had increased dramatically. He didn't take to kindly to this. He screamed and slapped at my face. Now I am in no way like Bif or Russell, but I could hand Earnest's ass to him any day. And I did. I knocked him to the ground and punched him in the face. Fatty and Cornelius pull me off of him before I could do any more damage. I really don't know what came over me. I felt sort of bad for punching him. I apologized and promised never to hit him again. He didn't know I was only half-sorry. At any rate, I'm better than Earnest at Grottos and Gremlins than he is. Enough said.

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Night 07: 5:39:14 am: Earnest announced at 5:34:08 pm that he was retiring from Grottos and Gremlins. He said that the game was for children and he had grown-up things to do. What nerve. I know this all stems from this morning when Mandy actually talked to him. I saw it in English class. She dropped her pencil, it rolled under his desk and she asked him if he could hand it to her. I am bit surprised Earnest didn't smell the pencil or lick it or steal it. But I did notice he hasn't washed his hands since. Now he's acting like some big stud. How dare he! He thinks he's better than me! The pervert probably thinks he's got it made with Mandy now. Damnet, why am I writing about this hormone ridden Neanderthal? I need to record how many Beam Colas I've consumed. I can't recall actually. I just remember I had a lot, more than yesterday. I think maybe I had ten. Or perhaps eleven. Beatrice said maybe I should consider getting a little rest so I wouldn't die from insomnia. I was quite tempted to hit her. I could have knocked those cat glasses right off her face. But I didn't want the prefects to come running and to smash my face into the ground. I didn't answer her. I did shove her however a tad with my shoulder when leaving. She deserved it. In fact, I'm pretty sure she thinks she's smarter than me, thinks she can overthrow me, I'm sure they all do. I won't let that happen!

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Night 08: 2:03:08 am: Alas, I now know I can't trust them. My whole clique confirmed that this afternoon. I was conquering everything. Their armies, their land, their subjects. I had absolute power. I have absolute power! I said I was the most powerful lord of Grottos and Gremlins, that no one could stop me. They of course didn't want to hear the truth. Donald said that it was just a game and there was no need to gloat or overreact. I slammed my fist down on the table and yelled at him that it wasn't just a game, Grottos and Gremlins prepares you for the real world, it filters out the weaklings and I can't remember what I said or did after that. I think I blacked out. When I came to, Beatrice was crying, Donald was on the floor with a bloody nose, Thad's glasses were broken and Cornelius stood cowering in the corner. Beatrice screamed at me that I was out of control, that I had turned into a tyrant and needed to stop all of this nonsense. I told her she needed to keep her mouth shut and listen to her superiors. I left shortly thereafter. I don't have time to argue with traitors and morons.

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Night 09: 4:56:19 am: Traitors! They're all traitors! Every last one of them! Thad reported me this morning to Crabblesnitch who in turn banned me from all classes except for gym and shop for three months and I also have lawn mowing duty for six months straight. I could kill them all right this second! I could gather my grotto and gremlin armies and tear them to pieces! I could slice them all up with that God forsaken lawn mower!

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Night 10: 12:08:45 am: I did it. I got my revenge. Or at least I tried to. I was mowing the football field when I spotted Algie attempting to do jumping jacks. I gunned the engine and roared straight for him. Mind you a lawn mower is NOT a fast vehicle in the slightest, but Algie is not a fast runner. He didn't even seem to notice until I was merely a foot from him and then he waddled for his life. He screamed like a bitch. I would've torn him up into little pieces if Seth Kolbe hadn't intervened. He ripped me off the lawnmower and proceeded to beat me across the face while shouting " You will not be an evil doer!". Me? An evil doer? Hardly! I was merely carrying out justice. How can he be so blind? As for what happened after that, it's quite hazy actually. I just remember Crabblsnitch and Seth Kolbe talking then next thing I knew I was being hauled off wearing a strait jacket , then sitting in a van heading towards Happy Volts. And that's where I am now. Sitting in a urine soaked cell with padded walls. At least they let me bring my journal with me. But I will get back at them. Just watch and wait…they don't what's in store for them. They thought Gary was a psychopath? Wait until I return to school….they won't know what hit them….the kInG OF gRottOS & GREmliNs sHAlL SmItE THE WiCkED!

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**A strange story. No sleep and highly caffeinated soda will do that to you. And the weird spellings at the end are to reflect Melvin's insanity. –XX-THIRST**


End file.
